all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
