Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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