Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize