ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
