dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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