i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
