Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
