im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
