You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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