We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
