So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
