I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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