i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
