Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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