Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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