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Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
