You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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