He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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