i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize