She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
