i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am mentally ready for anal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
