just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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