Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
ttyl tear gas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
