$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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