Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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