I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
