He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize