You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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