Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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