i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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