What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
