Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
