I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
