Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
