I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we made out on top of his cat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize