I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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