my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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