so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The ass gains better be worth it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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