It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
