Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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