So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
