K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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