His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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