I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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