Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
A+ Viking dick
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
