You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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