I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
