so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
