So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
