I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
