I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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