there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
