Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
