I wish I could teleport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
