So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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