It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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