If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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