He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
