Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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