Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
