the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
