What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize