i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
COCAINE IS GR8
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
