why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Text me some of your sweat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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