he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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