i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
